DJ Cheat Sheet No. 3


Sick Christmas Songs


Christmas: proof that there is no God.

Every year I offend good Christians everywhere with a rude holiday radio show called "Ratso's Idiot Christmas." (Just check the controversy.)

One year I focused on a fictitious hippie named Jesus Christ. Below are more of my most twisted Xmas songs for other DJs to plunder.

Some of these tunes come from obscure 45s, out-of-print compilations, flexies, etc. Although I don't sell or trade tunes, sincere truth-seekers may e-mail me for information about specific titles.

  1. AMERICAN COMEDY NETWORK -- Silent Fart
  2. ARMSTRONG, LOUIS -- Cool Yule (Thanks Peter van Wilsem!)
  3. ARROGANT WORMS -- Christmas Turkey Blues
  4. BACKUS, JIM -- Why Don’t You Go Home for Christmas?
  5. BAILEY, PEARL -- Jingle Bells Cha-Cha-Cha (Thanks Peter van Wilsem!)
  6. BATISTE, MILTON -- Big Fat Santa is Comin’ to Town
  7. BECK -- The Little Drum Machine Boy (Thanks Bob Lee!)
  8. BEGINNER, LORD -- Christmas Morning the Rum Had Me Yawning (Thanks Peter van Wilsem!)
  9. BERRY, CHUCK -- Run Rudolph Run
  10. BILLY NAYER SHOW -- Must Be Santa
  11. BITCH FUNKY SEX MACHINE -- Santa Claus Wants Some Lovin’
  12. BORDER PATROL -- Real Merry Gents Don’t Rest
  13. BRADY, CINDY -- Frosty
  14. BROWN, JAMES -- Santa Claus Goes Straight to the Ghetto
  15. BUTTERBEANS & SUSIE -- Papa Ain't No Santa Claus (And Mama Ain't No Christmas Tree) (Thanks Peter van Wilsem!)
  16. BUTTHOLE SURFERS -- Good King Wenceslas (Thanks Bob Lee!)
  17. BYRNES, EDD "KOOKIE" -- Yulesville
  18. CAPITOL STEPS -- Who'll Drop a Bomb During Rama-dama-dan
  19. CARR, LEROY -- Christmas in Jail-Ain't That a Pain (Thanks Peter van Wilsem!)
  20. CAVEMAN SHOESTORE -- The Grinch
  21. CHEECH & CHONG -- Santa Claus and His Old Lady
  22. CLAWHAMMER -- The Night Before Christmas
  23. COUNT FLOYD -- Reggae Christmas in Transylvania
  24. CRAFTY LADIES -- Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer
  25. CULTURCIDE -- Santa Claus Was My Lover
  26. DEAD MOON -- Christmas Rush
  27. DENVER, JOHN -- Please Don't Get Drunk This Christmas(Thanks Bob Lee!)
  28. DESCENDENTS -- Christmas Vacation
  29. D.I. -- Mr. Grinch
  30. DICK, ANDY, & THE BITCHES OF THE CENTURY -- Santa's Yule Log
  31. DICKIES -- Silent Night (Thanks Bob Lee!)
  32. DIRT MERCHANTS -- Jingle Bells
  33. DOUCHE, DURWOOD -- Just a Little Christmas Blowjob
  34. DREAD ZEPPELIN -- All I Want for Christmas is My Two Front Teeth
  35. DR. ELMO -- Grandpa’s Gonna Sue the Pants Off of Santa
  36. EAZY-E -- Merry Muthafuckin' Christmas (Thanks Bob Lee!)
  37. ED GEIN’S CAR -- O Merry Town of Surfing Gentlemen
  38. EL VEZ -- Feliz Navidad/ Santa Claus is Sometimes Brown (Thanks Bob Lee!)
  39. EDMONDS, NORMAN -- Breaking Up Christmas (Thanks Peter van Wilsem!)
  40. FEAR -- Fuck Christmas (Thanks Ben Waugh!)
  41. FISCHER, WILD MAN (with DR. DEMENTO) -- I’m a Christmas Tree
  42. FLAMING LIPS -- Christmas at the Zoo (Thanks Bob Lee!)
  43. FLOSSIE & THE UNICORNS -- Snow Machine
  44. FOLDS, BEN -- Bizarre Christmas Incident
  45. FRANKO -- Santa Beer Reindeer
  46. FREEBERG -- I’m Gettin’ Nuttin’ for Christmas
  47. FROG -- Here Comes Santa’s Pussy
  48. GEORGE TAB EXPERIENCE -- White Christmas
  49. GIBSON, HARRY "THE HIPSTER" -- I Wish My Mother-in-Law Don't Visit Us This Christmas
  50. GODWIN, PAT -- 12 Days of Rehab
  51. GO GO BOYS -- Chickenhawk is Coming to Town/ Gay Hotel
  52. GONUTS -- Snackin’ Santa
  53. GONZALES, BABS -- Be Bop Sant Claus/ Teenage Santa Claus (Thanks Peter van Wilsem!)
  54. GOODMAN, DICKIE -- Santa and the Satellite
  55. GOODTIME WASHBOARD -- When Santa Charges Through Your Bank Account
  56. GRABBERS -- Santa’s on the Nod
  57. GREER, BIG JOHN -- We Wanna See Santa Claus Do the Mambo (Thanks Peter van Wilsem!)
  58. HALF MAN HALF BISCUIT -- All I Want for Christmas is a Duklas
  59. HALL, MICHAEL -- Merry Christmas on Mars
  60. HANOI ROCKS -- Dead By Xmas (Thanks Bob Lee!)
  61. HITTING BIRTH -- Little Drummer Boy
  62. HONEYMOON KILLERS -- Backdoor Santa
  63. INSANE CLOWN POSSE -- Red Christmas (Thanks Bob Lee!)
  64. IRWIN THE DISCO DUCK -- Mamcita, Donde Esta Santa Claus? (Thanks Bob Lee!)
  65. JARRETT, MIKEY -- Santa Claus is Black
  66. JASON & THE STRAPTONES -- I Found the Brains of Santa Claus
  67. JETHROS -- Merry Fucking Christmas/ We Wished You a Merry Christmas
  68. JINGLE CATS -- Blue Christmas
  69. JOHN BOY & BILL -- Jingle Balls (Thanks Bob Lee!)
  70. JOHN, ELTON -- Ho! Ho! Ho! (Who’d Be a Turkey at Christmas) (Thanks Bob Lieberman!)
  71. JOHN SPENCER BLUES EXPLOSION -- Christmas Wish
  72. JUDD, CLEDUS T. -- All I Want for Christmas is Two Gold Front Teeth/ Stephen the Alternative Lifestyle Reindeer
  73. JUNIOR & THE SILHOUETTES -- Rock ‘n’ Roll Santa
  74. KENT, KLARK -- Ho Ho Ho
  75. KIDS OF WIDNEY HIGH -- Santa's In a Wheelchair (Thanks Bob Lee!)
  76. KIRKLAND, GRAEME -- Wee Wee Christmas
  77. LAZY COWGIRLS -- Sock It To Me Santa
  78. LEGACY, DOUG (& THE LEGENDS OF THE WEST) -- Christmas in Prison
  79. LEHRER, TOM -- A Christmas Carol
  80. LES CHICKUN -- Christmastime is for Chickun
  81. LINTON, SHERWIN -- Santa Got a DWI
  82. LITTLE STINKERS -- I Farted on Santa's Lap
  83. LOCAL H -- Disgruntled Christmas
  84. LOWER CLASS BRATS -- Drinking Song
  85. LUCAS, DON -- Burrito
  86. LYONS, TED -- The Only Law that Santa Claus Understood
  87. MADER’S GERMAN RESTAURANT -- The Schnitzelbank Reindeer
  88. MAGIC MOSE & HIS ROYAL ROCKERS -- Have Yourselves a Groovy Little Solstice
  89. MAN OR ASTROMAN -- Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer (Thanks Bob Lee!)
  90. MANIC HISPANIC -- Feliz Navidad
  91. MARQUEES -- Christmas in the Congo/Santa Done Got Hip
  92. McKENZIE, BOB & DOUG -- Twelve Days of Christmas
  93. MERCOURI, MELINA -- Christmas on Skid Row
  94. MONTY, DALE (& THE 2 By 2’s) -- The Li’l Endless Summer Boy
  95. MOVIES -- Gay Santa (Thanks Jonny Rock!)
  96. MR. GARRISON -- Merry Fucking Christmas (Thanks Bob Lee!)
  97. MR. T EXPERIENCE -- Merry Fucking Christmas
  98. MONOPUFF -- Careless Santa
  99. MORRIS, HOWARD -- Department Store Santa Claus (Thanks Peter van Wilsem!)
  100. MUSHROOM TABERNACLE CHOIR -- The 12 Drugs of Christmas (Thanks Bob Lee!)
  101. NATIONAL LAMPOON -- Kung Fu Christmas
  102. NERF HERDER -- I've Got a Boner for Christmas (Thanks Bob Lee!)
  103. NIXON, MOJO -- Son of Santa
  104. PANSY DIVISION -- Homo Christmas (Thanks Steve Miller!)
  105. PETERS, RED -- You Ain’t Getting’ Shit for Christmas (Thanks Steve Miller!)/ Holy Shit, It's Christmas!
  106. PRINE, JOHN -- Christmas in Prison
  107. PRIMA, LOUIS -- What Will Santa Claus Say When He Finds Everybody Swinging (Thanks Peter van Wilsem!)
  108. PRITIKIN, ROBERT C. -- I Sawed Mommy Kissing Santa Claus
  109. PURPLE GEEZUS -- Chipmonks’ Song
  110. QUAD CITY -- What You Want for Christmas
  111. RAMONES -- Merry Christmas (I Don't Wanna Fight Tonight) (Thanks Bob Lee!)
  112. RAVERS -- Punk Rock Christmas
  113. RAYE, PATSY -- Beatnik’s Wish
  114. RESIDENTS -- Santa Dog
  115. RIVERS, BOB -- O Come All Ye Grateful Dead-heads/Yellow Snow! Yellow Snow! Yellow Snow!
  116. ROBERTS, DERRICK -- There Won't Be Any Snow (Christmas in the Jungle) (Thanks Peter van Wilsem!)
  117. ROCKET 455 -- Santa Ain't Comin' for Christmas
  118. ROGERS, ROD (with TERI SUMMERS & THE LIBRETTOS) -- Santa Claus Goes Modern
  119. ROVERS – Grandma Got Run Over By a Reindeer/ Merry Bloody Christmas (Thanks Ike Luv!)
  120. ROYAL GUARDSMEN -- Snoopy’s Christmas
  121. RUGBURNS -- I Hate Christmas (Thanks Ginger and Ross!)
  122. SERVOTRON -- Christmas Day of the Robot/ There Is No Santa Claus!
  123. SHAVED PIGS -- Silver Bells
  124. SHITBIRDS -- Christmas is a Comin’
  125. SHONEN KNIFE -- Space Christmas
  126. SILVSTEDT, VICTORIA -- Santa Baby
  127. SISTERHOOD -- The Rocking Disco Santa Claus
  128. SIT ‘N’ SPIN -- Santa Claws
  129. SLOPPY SECONDS -- Lonely Christmas
  130. SMEGMA -- Happy Holidays
  131. SONICS -- Don’t Believe in Christmas/ Santa Claus (Thanks, Jenny Gia-Briggs!)
  132. SOUTH PARK -- Mr. Hankey the Christmas Poo
  133. SPACE NEGROES -- Jingle Hell/We Wish You a Lousy Christmas
  134. SPARKS -- Thank God It’s Not Christmas
  135. SPINAL TAP -- Christmas with the Devil
  136. SPLNTR -- Here Comes Santa Claus
  137. SPYDER-D -- Ghetto Santa
  138. STEEL MINERS -- I Hate Christmas (All Year Round)
  139. STEVENS, RAY -- Santa Claus is Watching You
  140. STRYPER -- Winter Wonderland
  141. SURFARIS -- Surfer’s Christmas List
  142. SWAMP ZOMBIES -- Hooray for Santa Claus
  143. SWELL -- I Hate Christmas
  144. TERMINATORS OF ENDEARMENT -- Stranger in the Manger
  145. THEE HEADCOATEES -- Santa Claus
  146. THIN WHITE ROPE -- Christmas Skies
  147. THREE STOOGES -- Wreck the Halls with Boughs of Holly
  148. THREE WEISSMAN -- Schlep the Halls with Loaves of Hallah
  149. THREE WISE MEN -- Countdown to Christmas Party Time (Thanks Bob Lee!)
  150. TINY TIM -- Santa's Got the Aids This Year (Thanks YB Serious!)
  151. TOMATOE, DR. DUKE -- It's Christmas, Let's Have Sex
  152. TRACY & THE HINDENBERG -- Christmas Song
  153. TURNER, BIG JOE -- Christmate Date Boogie (Thanks Peter van Wilsem!)
  154. TURTLES -- Santa and the Sidewalk Surfer
  155. TVTV$ -- Daddy Drank Up Our Christmas Money (Thanks Steve Miller!)
  156. UK SUBS -- Hey Santa (Thanks Brandy Roesch!)
  157. UNTAMED YOUTH -- Santa’s Gonna Shut ‘em Down!
  158. VANDALS -- I Don’t Believe in Christmas (Thanks Anthony Pankala!)
  159. WAINWRIGHT III, LOUDON -- Christmas Rap
  160. WALL OF VOODOO -- Shouldn’t Have Given Him a Gun for Christmas
  161. WHITE, NANCY -- It's So Chic to Be Pregnant at Christmas
  162. WILLIAMS, ANDRE -- The Night Before Christmas (Thanks Ben Waugh!)
  163. WILLIS, WESLEY -- Kris Kringle Was a Car Thief
  164. WILSON, KEVIN "BLOODY" -- Hey Santa Claus (Thanks Tim Ireland!)
  165. WITHERSPOON, JIMMY -- How I Hate to See Christmas Come Around (Thanks Peter van Wilsem!)
  166. WOGGLES -- Frosty
  167. WONDER DOG -- Jingle Bells
  168. YANKOVIC, WEIRD AL -- The Night Santa Went Crazy/Christmas at Ground Zero
  169. YEASTIE GIRLS (BRAINDROPS) -- Jingle Balls
  170. YOUNGSTERS -- Christmas in Jail
  171. ZYDIAC, MARK -- Frosty the Dope Man

MORE SONGS HERE!






Have a song to add to the archives? E-mail me!


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